Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
