You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
