I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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