I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
