two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
