He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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