I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
