a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
