ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
