2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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