I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
