i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
