My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
