The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
