Apparently you make a good broom.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
