How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
