This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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