Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
