marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
