everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
