I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
