we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
