Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
