I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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