You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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