We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
