We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
