Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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