one two three fourrrrnication!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
