its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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