at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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