I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
