got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You are a genius and a whore.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
