guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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