She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
