I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
