Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
