I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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