I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
