I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
