I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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