yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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