You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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