I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
