You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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