don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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