just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
