Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
