i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
