theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
