I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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