Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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