Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
