I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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