you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am one with the molecules
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
