youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
