your parents love me but you hate me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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