I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
