dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
