at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
